Poor Life

I’ve been fidget recenly. I am unable (or have no mood) to complete my heap of works.

My superior keeps pushing me to get more business for the company. The problem is, there is lack of human resource in our company, new business will only burden the colleagues more. But without new business would only mean that I have no contribution to the company.

“Why does your software require such a long timeframe to customise?” If client asks so, should I answer “Because we don’t have enough staff.”?

“Why does Sales & Marketing never sympathy us for working non-stop?” If colleagues ask so, should I answer “Bacause my job is to get business, not to sympathy.”?

“Why are you not contacting new prospects recently?” If my superior asks so, should I answer “Because I know that our colelagues have had enough workload.”?

I’ll be moving out from current lousy apartment by this month end, but I’m having issue to get a satisfying apartment. They are rather too expensive or too run-down for me. Finally I’ve found a satisfied one, and gosh, I don’t have enough cash on hand. After I’ve paid the booking fee by gathered it from here and there, the deposit starts annoying me. I have not much things with me, but it’s not an easy job to pack them up and to discard those unnecessary. We are yet to clean the house and arrange lorry with workers (sigh, money again!). 

My gums bleeding since months ago, I suspect I have periodontitis. My plan to see a dentist has been pending since last month as I don’t have any idea where to find a good dentist. Yesterday I had a chance to go to a familiar clinic but end up I didn’t because of my empty wallet. Wonder if my teeth will all gone soon.

This month end I’ll travel to Langkawi with family as planned earlier. How to travel with only RM160 with me? I’ve spent RM500++ to book air ticket, and seeing how poor I am now, I start thinking to ask back the money from my siblings (what a shameful! Initially we agreed that I’ll bear the air ticket and my brother will pay for accomodation).

Sometimes I wish I’m just a machine (preferably a money printing machine) without emotions and without feelings.

最近心情一直很烦躁。好多事情堆在一起，怎么都处理不完(或，没心情去处理)。

上司催促着要我更积极招揽更多生意。公司人力资源不足，招揽到新生意只会让同事工作量雪上加霜；没有新生意却代表我对公司没有贡献。

“为什么你们的软件需要用那么久的时间才写好？”如果客户这样问，我是否应该答：“因为公司人手不足。”?

“为什么你们Sales & Marketing都不体谅我们不停的工作？”如果同事这样问，我是否应该答：“因为我的工作只是招揽生意，不包括体谅。”?

“为什么你最近都没有联络到新客户？”如果上司这样问，我是否应该答：“因为我要体谅同事工作量太多。”?

月底要搬离现在住着的公寓，可是一直都找不到满意的房子，不是太贵就是太残旧。终于找到一个满意的房子了，又开始烦恼手上的现金不足，东凑西拼筹到了预订钱，还要头痛接下来要缴的按金。随身的家当虽然不多，要收拾打包和决定丢弃哪些物品也不是简单的工作，还要打扫新房子，安排罗里和搬运工人(唉，又是一笔钱)。

几个月来，牙龈一直在流血，我开始怀疑我是有牙周炎。上个月就计划着要去看牙医，一直都因为不知道哪里有好的牙医而拖延着。直到昨天终于有机会去到熟悉的医务所，却因身上没钱而作罢。不知道我的牙齿会不会就这样全都烂掉去？

月底也已经预先安排了和家人到Langkawi旅行。我要如何用260令吉去旅行呢？之前订机票用去了我500多令吉，以我这个月穷成这个样子，我开始在想需不需要跟哥哥妹妹收回他们那一份(真丢脸。本来说好我付机票，哥哥付饭店的)。

有时，我希望我是一部机器。没有情绪没有感觉。(最好我是一部印刷钞票的机器) 。