Yes, I know she looks ugly for you. I know she is not elegant at all (in your word, cheap). I know she is a playgirl. I know she is contemptible. I know she messes up people’s relationship while her boyfriend is in jail. I know she is horny. I know she is a b****.

So what? Your boyfriend loves her, not you.

是，我知道她对你来说很丑。我知道她一点都不高贵(用你的话来说，叫作“cheap”)。我知道她很花心。我知道她很卑鄙。我知道她趁自己的男朋友入狱时去胡搞，破坏人家的感情。我知道她很发姣。我知道她是一只**。

那又怎样？你男朋友爱的是她不是你。

As a “traditional” and boring surfer, the website I usually surf are not much interesting. Usually I online to read news, read people’s blog, chit-chat, download some songs, that’s it. I’m not going to translate the rest of the content, as all the websites listed below are in Chinese.

作为一个传统而沉闷的网上一族，我连常上的网站也不见得特别的有趣。通常我都是去阅读新闻、看看别人的部落格、聊天、下载一些歌曲，就这样而已。

穷留学生懒人食谱，教人怎样以省钱省时省力的方法煮出一餐。最适合我这种懒人了。
http://blog.xuite.net/iq943/recipe

光影魔术手–一个操作简单的照片编辑软件。其实我最喜欢它能够为照片套上相框的功能，所以常跑到光影魔术手的论坛下载相框和参考相框制作方法。
http://bbs.neoimaging.cn

Wikipedia。还需要我解释吗？网上最齐全的百科全书。
www.wikipedia.org

张小娴，一个很有个性的香港女作家，也是我最喜欢的作家。
www.amymagazine.com/amyblog/siuhan

Friendster。通常只上来post一些自己的照片，不然就有blog看blog，没有blog看照片。
www.friendster.com

洋葱头俱乐部。我都在这里找到MSN emoticon。
http://blog.roodo.com/onion_club/archives/cat_109038.html

百度辞典。英汉、汉英都行。适合我这种英文能力半天吊的人，工作时间我都开着这个网站。
http://dict.baidu.com

星洲日报网上新闻。我每天都有阅报的。
www.sinchew.com.my

歌曲试听的网站。中国网站，多数的中文歌曲都可以在这里找到。
www.qq930.com

工作需要，时常都到我们公司的网上平台做软件演示。
www.ecover.com.my

MSN。不就是聊天用嘛。

有一条鱼儿，她长期住在深海底。
那儿的世界很平静，很安宁。
她知道，只要她继续留在深海底的世界，
她就能拥有一生安定的生活，像别人一样，
拥有平静的一生，安定的工作，组织一个完美的家庭。

她听说浅海的世界很精彩，很热闹。
在她心里，她不甘心就这样渡过无味的人生。
她用尽方法，终于有一次机会，她到了浅海的世界。

浅海的世界果然像人家形容的一样，
如此漂亮，如此热闹，如此多姿多彩。
她欢呼、兴奋、为自己庆幸。
没多久，她就发现，她根本没办法适应浅海的那种繁华世界。
因为，她只是一条来自深海底的鱼儿，
那样软弱、内向、自卑、愚笨，那样的渴望被疼爱，被照料。

在那么低潮的日子里，
她眼中唯一能够看见的，是太阳。
太阳一直陪伴在她身边，给予她温暖、关怀、照顾。
很快的，她爱上了太阳。
然而，她并没有永远的拥有阳光。
因为，那阳光，终究是借来的，并不属于她一个人。

她受的伤，比自己想象的还更严重。
她放弃深海底的一切，爱情、家人、工作、安定的生活，
却发现人生，终究没办法尽如人意。
她无法向前，也不愿意后退，回到原来的世界。
每天每天，她只懂得躲在自己那安静的角落，
暗自神伤，独自哭泣，自怜自艾。
没有了太阳，她的世界仿佛被打回原形，冰冷、黑暗而无声。

有一个晚上，当她躲在自己的角落发呆的时候，
忽然她听见海上传来悠扬的音乐。
她慢慢的游向海面，发现，夜空中，挂着一轮明月。
那音乐，随着月光飘落海面。
原来，孤单而寂寞的夜晚，依然会有月亮，
陪伴鱼儿、开解她、给她安慰、关怀。

月亮的光，没有太阳的灼热，却温柔而令人熟悉，像一道暖流。
那光，让鱼儿安心，却也令她越来越迷惘。
原来，在很多个鱼儿依恋着月亮陪伴的夜晚，
她，已经不知不觉地爱上了月亮。

鱼儿生活在水里，而月亮高挂在空中。
鱼儿爱着月亮，可是鱼不会飞，
思念月亮的时候，她也只能够触摸月光的影子。
她没办法抵抗事实，正如月亮总是有圆缺的时候。
月亮慢慢的淡出鱼儿的世界，终于有一天，
他消失了。

失去月亮的日子，太阳也已经离她远去，
鱼儿又回到一个人的生活。
她没有再放弃自己，她学习照顾自己、独立、坚强。
她知道自己害怕孤单，可是她更明白，
如果因为自己的孤单而去霸占别人的生活，只是自私幼稚的行为。
她等待，等着自己长大，等着月亮再出现。
就这样，等过了好多好多个夜晚。

又是一个月光如水的夜晚。
鱼儿又听见月光撒下的音乐。
她游到海面，看见月亮。
依然温柔，依然对她微笑。
鱼儿笑了，因为她明白了，
她不会再强求什么。
她有自己的生活，月亮也有自己的世界。
但是，她知道，当她开心或不开心的时候，
只要她仰望天空，月亮会愿意陪伴她。

这个故事没有结局，
因为这个结果，已经是最美好的结局。
鱼儿拥有过美丽的回忆，她触摸过月亮，感受过月光的温暖，
那，就足够了。

她没有失去过什么。

Went to Elcerdo for lunch with client again on 12 October. My superior ordered the same food. But this time he also ordered frog leg. It is smooth and delicious, but I prefer the Chinese style of cooking. I tried very hard to imagine that I was eating chicken or cod fish.

This time I brought my camera along, but still feel shy to take photo there. End up I had secretly took few photos only.

The salad bar

The wine cellar

By the way, the dessert I ate during last visit is Andreas Special “A Dream of Chocolate”. Made of white chocolate ice-cream, milk chocolate mousse, chocolate crumble, bananas in passion fruit and pear in red wine. Andreas is the assistant restaurant manager (I think so).

10月22日又去了Elcerdo和客户吃午餐。上司又点了一样的食物，不过这次还加了田鸡腿。田鸡腿肉质滑嫩也很好吃，可是我比较喜欢中式的煮法。我非常努力的想像着我吃的是鸡肉或鳕鱼。

这次带了相机，可是还是不好意思在那里拍照，最后只偷偷地拍了几张而已。

对了，上次吃的甜品是Andreas Special “A Dream of Chocolate”。材料有白巧克力雪糕、牛奶巧克力慕丝、巧克力碎、香蕉、百香果、梨子加红酒。我猜想Andreas是该餐厅的助理经理。

Sometimes I am lucky to have chances to dine with my superior and clients where usually we go to some fancy or famous restaurants.

Last month I went to lunch with my superior at Elcerdo. Before that I had no idea what kind of restaurant is that. I read some blogs from internet and found that the restaurant specializes in pork and their foods are delicious, the restaurant looks great as well. I didn’t have my camera with me; otherwise I could post some photos here. However my superior said he will pretend he doesn’t know me if I really take photos there.

Once we got in the restaurant, there is a wine cellar at the right side. Besides wines, there are chunks of marinated meat and sausages hanging inside the cellar. I first sat down and pretend lady-like for a little while, and then immediately read the menu to see what to order later. The pork here is cooked in western style. The menu consists of pork chop, sausage, bacon, suckling pig, all parts of pig (that’s why it is called “Nose To Tail Eating”). There are also some selections of chicken, beef, seafood, and some items written in German.

Everything seems to be delicious and I was desirous to test everything, as clients were late and I’ve been waiting until too hungry. I was thinking to order the German Style Pork Knuckle, it looked great in people’s blog. But the portion is too big for me and all the foods are not cheap. I feel embarrass to order costly food and then end up unable to finish them. My superior ordered a Salad for each, a Roasted Suckling Pig and a bottle of Red Wine. At that moment I thought, “What? Would one salad and one pig be enough for four persons?”

But when I was taking the Salad, I figured out that if my face is thick enough to take as much food as possible, a Salad is definitely enough to fill my stomach. Their salad bar serves not only fresh vegetables, but various kinds of bacons, sausages, and ham. I took one or two slices of each. They are all well marinated and tasty, except that is one with very strong smell that I don’t like. I had the salad with cheese and red wine. That was so great!

Roasted Suckling Pig is served with baby potatoes and fresh garden salad. The suckling pig here is not much different from those we eaten in Chinese restaurant, except the pig was not cut when it is served. The waiter gave us a ceramic plate, and we chopped the pig using the edge of plate. The waiter then instructed us to throw the plate into a wooden pail to break it. This is a sign of celebration, fortune and love. The pig was crispy; the dressing was slightly sweet with taste of peanut. I preferred to eat with Tabasco.

Our dessert is served. Chocolate ice-cream, banana slices and some sour fruit jam are mixed in a champagne glass. I can’t remember what the name is, because I started feeling dizzy. I guess I drank 5 or 6 glasses of red wine. I wonder why everyone said that I can drink a lot, while actually I can’t. It was raining heavily outside, the sky was dark, and lighting in the restaurant seems to become darker also. I felt a bit drunk at 2 o’clock  noon.

有时觉得自己比较幸运，时常有机会跟着上司去和CLIENT吃饭。通常去的餐厅都还有点排场或出名的。

那天和上司到Elcerdo吃午餐。去之前根本不知道那是一间怎么样的餐厅，从网上找到些BLOG，发现那间餐厅专卖猪肉，食物都很好吃，而且餐厅看起来感觉还不错。相机没有带在身边，不然还可以拍些照片放在这里。可是我上司说，如果我拍照，他就装做不认识我。

踩进餐厅，右边是一间酒窖，里面除了放葡萄酒，还挂着一大块一大块的腌肉和串串的香肠。馋嘴的我，首先坐下来假装淑女一下，然后就翻开菜单开始研究等下要点什么食物。这里的猪肉都是西式料理，有猪扒、香肠、培根、乳猪、猪的各部份(所以才叫作NOSE TO TAIL EATING)，也有几样鸡肉、牛肉和海鲜料理。还有一些项目以德文书写的，我根本不知道那是什么东西。

每一样对我来说都好像很好吃很想尝试(因为CLIENT迟到，我等得实在太饿了)。本来想叫个德国猪手，在人家的BLOG里面看到好像很好吃，可是份量太大了，而且所有的食物价钱都不便宜，我不好意思点贵的食物，最后吃不完浪费掉。我上司点了每人一份SALAD，一只烤乳猪，还有一瓶红酒。我当时在想：“什么？一份SALAD和一只烤乳猪够四个人吃吗？”

当我在拿SALAD时，我觉得如果我脸皮够厚拼命拿食物的话，一份SALAD就可以吃到饱了。他们的SALAD BAR不止备了一般的新鲜蔬菜，还有各式各样的培根、香肠和火腿。我每一种都拿一两片，发现除了其中一个骚味很重之外，全部都腌制得很好吃，配上乳酪还有红酒，正啊。

烤乳猪来了，配菜有小马铃薯和新鲜沙拉。这里的烤乳猪和我们一般在中餐厅吃的烤乳猪分别不大，不过，当服务员端上来时，乳猪并没有被切开。服务员交给我们一个瓷碟子，我们就用碟子的边缘当刀子，把乳猪“斩”开。切完乳猪后，服务员拖来一个木桶，教我们把碟子丢进去砸碎。后来才知道这是德国的婚礼习俗，砸碗碟代表着喜庆、好运、恩爱。乳猪烤得很香脆，沾汁带点甜味，好像还有花生的味道，我比较喜欢沾TABASCO来吃。

我们的甜点是一个香槟杯里装了巧克力雪糕、香蕉片、还有一些酸酸的不知道是什么果酱。我不记得是什么名堂，因为我已经开始晕头转向。我想，我大概喝了5、6杯红酒。我很奇怪为什么大家都说我很能喝酒，其实我很快就不胜酒力。外面下着倾盆大雨，天色有点暗，灯光也好像变得昏黄。下午2点多钟，我觉得有点醉眼昏花。

My PDA’s time shows that it is 12:31am. Digital time is always ruthless, never let off a single minute and second.

The PDA’s alarm setting shows that it is six and a half more hours to next morning’s (or shall I say this morning’s) alert. The alarm is set for nothing. I’ve never arrived at office on time or earlier since June. Heard that if you don’t feel like going to office everyday, start to plan the year end annual leave since beginning of the year, feel as happy as winning lottery whenever there is public holiday, you must have being slack to your job. I am, I suppose. I never love working, I just want to play.

I feel the warmth running all over my body now. My cheeks are as hot as burnt by fire (How would you know the feeling of being burnt by fire? Had you ever been burnt by fire?). Since this July, my PDA’s weather forecast keeps lying me: it will be raining today, for the whole day. So, I’ve rented this low cost apartment with a high rental for one year. The ceiling fan is spinning at its extreme speed and helps nothing but to spread the hot air evenly through out the room. I can have my supper at 1am if I leave a basket of “Soup Dumpling (Xiao Long Bao)” at here now. But I have no appetite, unless it is a basket of “Prawn Dumpling (Ha Gao in Cantonese).

I opened the windows. The wind out there was strong, but doesn’t blow into my room, not a little. The windows might have designed to face towards a wrong direction. “My next room, be it rented, gifted from hubby/boyfriend, or I buy (not likely), must come with air-cond installed.” I imagined with my hands stretched out of the windows and started to feel a bit colder. 

PDA的时间显示着12:31am。数码时间总是特别无情，每个细微的分秒都不放过。

戳戳PDA里的闹钟设定，离明早(该说今早)的响铃还剩六个小时半。如同虚设的闹钟。自六月以来，好像没有一天准时或提早到达公司过。听说当你开始每天不想上班，年初就开始计划年底的假期，遇上公共假期就好像中万字票一样开心，那么你准是得了工作厌怠症什么的。应该是吧，我从来都不想工作，我只想玩。

我现在感觉全身热烘烘的，脸颊像被火烧过一样滚烫(你怎知道被火烫的感觉？你被火烧过了吗？)。人间七月天，PDA里的天气预测一直在欺骗我：今天会下雨，而且下整天。原来我已经以高价租下这间廉价公寓一年之久。风扇奋力的旋转，把热空气均匀的散布在房间每个角落。如果现在放一笼小笼包在这里，等下凌晨一点钟就可以开餐了。可是我热得没胃口，除非蒸熟的是一笼虾饺。

我推开窗口，外面风很大，却一丝都没吹进房里。窗子的设计也许搞错方向了。“我的下一个房间，不管是租的、老公/男朋友送的、或是自己买的(不太可能)，一定要装上冷气机。”我把手伸出窗外想像着，开始感觉到一些凉意。

实在想不起生活中有什么值得被写在Blog里面。

城市的生活可以很多姿多彩，偏偏遇上我这种懒人，生活枯燥乏味犹如一池死水。

也不是不曾体会过所谓的精彩、疯癫的生活。刚来到这个城市时，生活孤单寂寞得像每天都从墓穴中醒过来，匆匆上班、下班，然后又回到墓穴里等待明天已知的生活程式(未知的是明天又会做错什么，然后受怎么样的责备)。真的好害怕哪一天，就会永远躺在阴森孤寂的四墙后，与世隔绝无人问津。

于是，跟着一群年轻的朋友每个周末往夜店跑，把自己丢在轰脑的各类音乐里，在拥挤人群中摇着僵如冰块的身躯；跟新认识的网友坐在喧哗的餐厅里言不及义的贵扯；一个人在购物中心的橱窗前斟酌该为衣柜添哪类衣服，该为哪件衣裙配上同系的高跟鞋；一个人坐在黑暗的戏院里看着大布幕上的悲情流泪。忽然有一天，在独自开着车子往戏院的中途，在红灯转绿的交通灯前，我U转回家。就在那一天，所有的自欺欺人宣告终止。像迫不及待的吐掉咀嚼至淡而无味的橡皮糖，仿佛它曾有的甜腻芬芳从不成立过。好像很充实，终究还是我不曾向往过的，一个人的生活。

生活中后来有人的相伴，看场电影、吃个晚餐、在虚拟的网络游戏里厮杀到天亮、Shopping、在星巴克坐上一个晚上闲聊喝茶(我不喝咖啡)、开着车子在不塞车的城市里到处逛……

渐渐发现，其实也可以自己一个人的生活。只是我不想。

I’ve been fidget recenly. I am unable (or have no mood) to complete my heap of works.

My superior keeps pushing me to get more business for the company. The problem is, there is lack of human resource in our company, new business will only burden the colleagues more. But without new business would only mean that I have no contribution to the company.

“Why does your software require such a long timeframe to customise?” If client asks so, should I answer “Because we don’t have enough staff.”?

“Why does Sales & Marketing never sympathy us for working non-stop?” If colleagues ask so, should I answer “Bacause my job is to get business, not to sympathy.”?

“Why are you not contacting new prospects recently?” If my superior asks so, should I answer “Because I know that our colelagues have had enough workload.”?

I’ll be moving out from current lousy apartment by this month end, but I’m having issue to get a satisfying apartment. They are rather too expensive or too run-down for me. Finally I’ve found a satisfied one, and gosh, I don’t have enough cash on hand. After I’ve paid the booking fee by gathered it from here and there, the deposit starts annoying me. I have not much things with me, but it’s not an easy job to pack them up and to discard those unnecessary. We are yet to clean the house and arrange lorry with workers (sigh, money again!). 

My gums bleeding since months ago, I suspect I have periodontitis. My plan to see a dentist has been pending since last month as I don’t have any idea where to find a good dentist. Yesterday I had a chance to go to a familiar clinic but end up I didn’t because of my empty wallet. Wonder if my teeth will all gone soon.

This month end I’ll travel to Langkawi with family as planned earlier. How to travel with only RM160 with me? I’ve spent RM500++ to book air ticket, and seeing how poor I am now, I start thinking to ask back the money from my siblings (what a shameful! Initially we agreed that I’ll bear the air ticket and my brother will pay for accomodation).

Sometimes I wish I’m just a machine (preferably a money printing machine) without emotions and without feelings.

最近心情一直很烦躁。好多事情堆在一起，怎么都处理不完(或，没心情去处理)。

上司催促着要我更积极招揽更多生意。公司人力资源不足，招揽到新生意只会让同事工作量雪上加霜；没有新生意却代表我对公司没有贡献。

“为什么你们的软件需要用那么久的时间才写好？”如果客户这样问，我是否应该答：“因为公司人手不足。”?

“为什么你们Sales & Marketing都不体谅我们不停的工作？”如果同事这样问，我是否应该答：“因为我的工作只是招揽生意，不包括体谅。”?

“为什么你最近都没有联络到新客户？”如果上司这样问，我是否应该答：“因为我要体谅同事工作量太多。”?

月底要搬离现在住着的公寓，可是一直都找不到满意的房子，不是太贵就是太残旧。终于找到一个满意的房子了，又开始烦恼手上的现金不足，东凑西拼筹到了预订钱，还要头痛接下来要缴的按金。随身的家当虽然不多，要收拾打包和决定丢弃哪些物品也不是简单的工作，还要打扫新房子，安排罗里和搬运工人(唉，又是一笔钱)。

几个月来，牙龈一直在流血，我开始怀疑我是有牙周炎。上个月就计划着要去看牙医，一直都因为不知道哪里有好的牙医而拖延着。直到昨天终于有机会去到熟悉的医务所，却因身上没钱而作罢。不知道我的牙齿会不会就这样全都烂掉去？

月底也已经预先安排了和家人到Langkawi旅行。我要如何用260令吉去旅行呢？之前订机票用去了我500多令吉，以我这个月穷成这个样子，我开始在想需不需要跟哥哥妹妹收回他们那一份(真丢脸。本来说好我付机票，哥哥付饭店的)。

有时，我希望我是一部机器。没有情绪没有感觉。(最好我是一部印刷钞票的机器) 。

After searching around, I’ve finally found a blog space with per-post password at WordPress.com. Yes, I don’t mind to make my blog public, but I still need to hide some of my articles. I know there is no such thing as “Absolute Privacy” on internet though.

My next step is to copy over my previous blog in Windows Live Spaces. Sigh, another “big project” again. No wonder somebody comment that I “only know writing blog and daydreaming”. (Yea, for somebody, writing blog = daydreaming = no production = useless).

找来找去，最后在Wordpress.com找到了有per-post password的部落格。是的，我不介意公开写网志，然而有些文章我还是要藏起来的。虽然，我知道网路上是没有绝对的隐私可言。

接下来的工作就是要把我在Windows Live Spaces的部落格给抄过来了。唉，又是一个“大工程”，怪不得有人说我“只会写Blog发白日梦”。(是啊，对某些人来说，写网志=发白日梦=不事生产=没有用)。